Today started well... At the soccer game E scored 3 goals. Caden scored one and then moved to goalie where he blocked multiple goal attempts. Both boys passed the ball to teammates and played hard.
This afternoon Adam took Caden and E out shopping to get new clothes for E and new shoes. They had a good time and were able to get what they needed.
Tonight we had friends over. That was great! The kids played well together and enjoyed getting to know new friends. Late this evening though things took a turn. One of our kids has a much bigger temper than we expected and we were never told anything about. Tonight that temper turned on one of our kids and was not pretty. It is SO hard to have someone hurt your child. It's even harder when you are doing everything you can for this kid and your own kids are sacrificing so much. I'm not going to lie here... My blood was boiling! Then he was disrespectful as I asked what happened and that frustrated me even more! All I could do in the moment was send him to his room... Now one of my kids is afraid and that is not at all what I want. Our job is to protect our kids and be their safe place! But then there's the grace side, the teaching side, the understanding that deep hurts cause this anger. Oh my heart aches... I've never thought of myself as a quitter but goodness! I know that many foster families deal with much bigger issues but my mama heart is so torn. I need sleep, lots of prayer, and some real clarity. Fostering is hard. Following Jesus is sometimes hard too... Lord show us the way and the plan so we can follow you.
Saturday, September 10, 2016
Our first week part 2
Day 6:
Today was a rough day! E had told a friend at school that his mom was on drugs so they can't live with her which is why he is coming to me. (I didn't know this until today) His friend decided that today at lunch was a great time to tell their whole class. You can imagine E's feelings on this. The teacher in the lunch room talked to E and the friend. The friend was sent away from the table and the class was talked to as well. E was pretty upset about it and we talked about it on the way home tonight. When we were close to home The case worker called and wanted to see E since he had been at soccer practice the other night. I said ok and told him that she was coming. When she got here they went in his room to talk. He immediately climbed into the corner of his bed. She tried to talk to him and he started telling her she hated him. She ruined his life. And then he starts screaming at the top of his lungs help help she's hurting me she's trying to kill me... And keeps on until The case worker left his room. She was pretty shook up at his reaction. She and I talked about the school incident and his need for counseling. After she left I went looking for him to check on him and couldn't find him. Took me a good 10 minutes to find him hiding in one of the window seats. He was crying. I climbed up with him and talked. I explained we'd been trying to get him since April. We wanted him to stay with his siblings, stay in his school, and be safe. He sat and listened but continued to cry. I eventually left him and after a while he came out smiling again. Those smiles are just a cover for a very deep hurt right now.
Then tonight after bath I was putting As pjs on and she looked at me and said she wanted to go home. I told her this was her home now. She said no I need to go to my Tia's home . I don't want to stay here. It's so hard to hear them hurt and know how much they miss their family!
High moments:
Sweet friends gave us dinner!
We all got up and moving in the morning.
Es conversation with me was dreadful but the first real emotion he's shown. I think that's progress.
Zachary was in full blown three year old mode today. He was horrible. Add that to everything else this evening and the three waking hours we had together were not pretty.
This is a crazy roller coaster ride and definitely not easy.
Day 7
Today was better! We had dinner from a sweet friend (Martha Lewis they all did take at least one bite of broccoli for you!!). E still had some issues at school and on the way home but seemed to have worked it out by the time we got home. Lots of side conversations going on as he struggles and tests. Then my friend came over and just hung out with us to be extra eyes, hands, and cuddles! Thank goodness for friends like that after last night! I'm going on day 3 of very little voice, not feeling great, I bet my attitude and perspective will improve as I feel better! Thank you for praying for us! Thank you for lifting up our family. We have such sweet moments. A few nights ago J asked us why we always pray and tell God thank you. We had a talk about how we say thank you when someone gives us something like ice cream. We then told him God made everything even him! So we try to remember to tell Him thank you every day.
Things that get me through:
-Knowing we were called to this!
-Having your words of encouragement!
-Little things we have accomplished... We now say excuse me after we burp instead of laughing, we know that we have to pick up the bucket of toys we have out before getting more, we know how to put clothes on the laundry hamper (all but my 12 year old... Grrr), and we know what our assigned color is for toothbrush, cup, towel, etc.
- we have food ready for us since I can't get it together yet! (PS for those of you who have brought food... E's prayer for tonight: Thank you God for all of these nice people who bring us food!)
Today was a rough day! E had told a friend at school that his mom was on drugs so they can't live with her which is why he is coming to me. (I didn't know this until today) His friend decided that today at lunch was a great time to tell their whole class. You can imagine E's feelings on this. The teacher in the lunch room talked to E and the friend. The friend was sent away from the table and the class was talked to as well. E was pretty upset about it and we talked about it on the way home tonight. When we were close to home The case worker called and wanted to see E since he had been at soccer practice the other night. I said ok and told him that she was coming. When she got here they went in his room to talk. He immediately climbed into the corner of his bed. She tried to talk to him and he started telling her she hated him. She ruined his life. And then he starts screaming at the top of his lungs help help she's hurting me she's trying to kill me... And keeps on until The case worker left his room. She was pretty shook up at his reaction. She and I talked about the school incident and his need for counseling. After she left I went looking for him to check on him and couldn't find him. Took me a good 10 minutes to find him hiding in one of the window seats. He was crying. I climbed up with him and talked. I explained we'd been trying to get him since April. We wanted him to stay with his siblings, stay in his school, and be safe. He sat and listened but continued to cry. I eventually left him and after a while he came out smiling again. Those smiles are just a cover for a very deep hurt right now.
Then tonight after bath I was putting As pjs on and she looked at me and said she wanted to go home. I told her this was her home now. She said no I need to go to my Tia's home . I don't want to stay here. It's so hard to hear them hurt and know how much they miss their family!
High moments:
Sweet friends gave us dinner!
We all got up and moving in the morning.
Es conversation with me was dreadful but the first real emotion he's shown. I think that's progress.
Zachary was in full blown three year old mode today. He was horrible. Add that to everything else this evening and the three waking hours we had together were not pretty.
This is a crazy roller coaster ride and definitely not easy.
Day 7
Today was better! We had dinner from a sweet friend (Martha Lewis they all did take at least one bite of broccoli for you!!). E still had some issues at school and on the way home but seemed to have worked it out by the time we got home. Lots of side conversations going on as he struggles and tests. Then my friend came over and just hung out with us to be extra eyes, hands, and cuddles! Thank goodness for friends like that after last night! I'm going on day 3 of very little voice, not feeling great, I bet my attitude and perspective will improve as I feel better! Thank you for praying for us! Thank you for lifting up our family. We have such sweet moments. A few nights ago J asked us why we always pray and tell God thank you. We had a talk about how we say thank you when someone gives us something like ice cream. We then told him God made everything even him! So we try to remember to tell Him thank you every day.
Things that get me through:
-Knowing we were called to this!
-Having your words of encouragement!
-Little things we have accomplished... We now say excuse me after we burp instead of laughing, we know that we have to pick up the bucket of toys we have out before getting more, we know how to put clothes on the laundry hamper (all but my 12 year old... Grrr), and we know what our assigned color is for toothbrush, cup, towel, etc.
- we have food ready for us since I can't get it together yet! (PS for those of you who have brought food... E's prayer for tonight: Thank you God for all of these nice people who bring us food!)
Wednesday, September 7, 2016
Our First Week
Highlights from day 1:
-All but one is unpacked, clothes that were given to them have been sorted and put away!!
-All 3 little ones napped at the same time for over an hour!!
-I didn't have to cook dinner!!!
-We baked cookies with the kids. They've never cooked in the kitchen or seen a mixer!
- Probably the best moment... The new kids at some point today have all called us mom and dad without us asking them to do it. In fact the oldest came in and said "Mom, wow it feels good to say that!"
Day 1 issues:
-A dr visit will be in order for two of my littles with their congested coughs. I can't do that until I get paperwork on Tuesday though.
-Nates not feeling great today and spent the afternoon in bed! Hoping he will be better tomorrow!
I can't post pictures and show you their sweet pictures but we got some great ones today! Once we adopt (hopefully in March) get ready to be flooded with pictures! Thank you for the kind words and messages. I have to tell you though... These kids are the Super Heroes they have gone through so much! They just bless us!
Today I'm thankful for Laurie Dolge! She's the icing on the cake, the sweet in my tea, the cherry on top!! She offered to bring us dinner on this first day with our big family! Then showed up with not one but THREE meals that will feed our whole crew!! I'm SO SO thankful!
We've been beyond blessed sweet friends all over bringing us clothes, sharing big family ideas and recipes, offering their help... It's amazing!!
Last night when we picked the kids up they had 6 trash bags for all three kids belongings. Their toys, coats, clothes, everything in that bag. I have to tell you it was sobering. I couldn't even fit all of one of my kids stuff in 6 bags. They are grateful for every little thing and just precious!
Ok I promised transparency... Day 2
Today was rough y'all! Rough!!! I think reality is setting in. We've had lots of tears from both sets of kids, lots of correction/training, lots of fits from the little ones. They are tired between the stress/change, staying up late as we figure out routine, many of them are having allergy issues... Today was the first day I really thought can we do this? Should we do this? Is this what's right for both sets of kids? I know we are only two days in... We've had some visits though and so it just felt like play dates. I'm told this is normal and it will pass and that better and worse days are to come. I'm not throwing in the towel or giving up just being honest about the process. It's hard to lay with a little one crying because you've had to correct them and then have them tell you they miss people, that this is hard... You just want to cry with them and say I know this is hard I feel it too and it's even harder for them.
Highlights of today... Yes there were some!!
-Everyone slept ALL night!
-All 3 littles took a nap today at the same time!
-The little girl watched Frozen for the first time ever and danced around the room when the characters sang.
-The three big kids put the three little kids in different laundry baskets and raced. Crazy but fun to see the big smiles as they worked together.
-Caden while needing some time away cleaned up the garage that had exploded with the outside toys after some outside play time.
So there.. Transparent, real, a little frustrated, a little sad, ready and thankful for a new better day tomorrow. I know my fostering friends are probably laughing and thinking we don't know what rough is yet... I'm sure you are probably right but I know better is in store too!
Day 3 hug- test- correct- reassure- repeat! Day 3 was better than day 2 so that's a plus. The little ones were better today. They fought like siblings but it wasn't nearly as tearful and you can see steps forward. Today the oldest foster child was the tough one he would intentionally antagonize, laugh when corrected, and go find his next victim. That was tricky. We survived it and I'm not on the verge of tears tonight. Caden did decide today that this isn't working and we should send them away. We talked about it being like a marriage- mom and dad can't have a rough day and decide we need a divorce. There is no escape clause we have to work it out.
Highlights
- the boys out playing baseball and soccer with dad... It pouring rain on them in the middle of the game and then restarting.
-Dinner time is getting easier... Adam smoked brisket today so I still didn't cook and could tame the kids but we are getting a system in place.
- the kindergartner can write mom and dad and is so proud of himself!
Prayers needed: tomorrow we have to get 6 kids to school and Nate has to be at my school to catch the transfer bus by 7. 5:30 comes really early and will be a shock to our new additions. Pray we can get a routine quickly and that my principal has a huge amount of grace. I'm sure he will but this week will be tricky!!
Day 4:
Today was GREAT!! I hesitate to say it but it really was. -
The kids popped out of bed this morning! We were all in the car by 6:15! I took a super cute picture that I wish I could post! We even got A's hair fixed and had bows!!
-The two 10 year olds started soccer today! They were super excited about that!
-J was so proud of his new shoes and showed some of his favorite teachers!
-AND we finally got our official placement paperwork!!
There really weren't any negatives today only positives! Hooray for that!!
Day 5:
(I won't post everyday... Just this first week and then when something is new or prayers are needed..sorry Amy Jo Barkley!)
-This morning the kids were all great! We got everyone to school on time!
-E got in some minor trouble at school today but told us right away and we talked it through.
-Right before dismissal one of our technology support guys comes in and tells me I have a flat tire and I have 15 min before I'm supposed to be picking up A from school. Thankfully he was willing to help me change it. By helping I mean he did the work and I just kept asking what I could do! Meanwhile one of our sweet parents came to check on me, to offer to help, ask if she can pick up kids, etc. I was super thankful for both of them! One of the minor hang ups in foster care is that your kids can't be alone with an adult unless they have been background checked and fingerprinted through the Foster system. So unfortunately that does keep some people from helping even though they genuinely want to.
-Finally, I got an email from one of E's teachers telling me about a sweet conversation he had with her today. He called me mom as he was talking to her. She asked if he liked being able to call me mom and she said he got the biggest smile and said yes and also referred to his brother Nate. It is really soon for these kids to call us mom and dad. We didn't ask to be called that we told them Mr and Mrs Green, mr Adam and Mrs Stephanie or they could just call us mom and dad like the other kids. Very quickly they switched to that. I think it's easier to remember, the other kids already do it, and they were craving that family environment.
Well I thought this was going to be short tonight... Not a lot to say...but there are so many sweet moments and ups and downs. I want you to get a real glimpse into this crazy fun life.
I am going to move to a blog this weekend. I want it to be a journal of memories for the kids. I will copy/paste this week's notes in and then share there. When it's up I will post a link for those that are wanting frequent updates. But I will post highlights from time to time too!
-All but one is unpacked, clothes that were given to them have been sorted and put away!!
-All 3 little ones napped at the same time for over an hour!!
-I didn't have to cook dinner!!!
-We baked cookies with the kids. They've never cooked in the kitchen or seen a mixer!
- Probably the best moment... The new kids at some point today have all called us mom and dad without us asking them to do it. In fact the oldest came in and said "Mom, wow it feels good to say that!"
Day 1 issues:
-A dr visit will be in order for two of my littles with their congested coughs. I can't do that until I get paperwork on Tuesday though.
-Nates not feeling great today and spent the afternoon in bed! Hoping he will be better tomorrow!
I can't post pictures and show you their sweet pictures but we got some great ones today! Once we adopt (hopefully in March) get ready to be flooded with pictures! Thank you for the kind words and messages. I have to tell you though... These kids are the Super Heroes they have gone through so much! They just bless us!
Today I'm thankful for Laurie Dolge! She's the icing on the cake, the sweet in my tea, the cherry on top!! She offered to bring us dinner on this first day with our big family! Then showed up with not one but THREE meals that will feed our whole crew!! I'm SO SO thankful!
We've been beyond blessed sweet friends all over bringing us clothes, sharing big family ideas and recipes, offering their help... It's amazing!!
Last night when we picked the kids up they had 6 trash bags for all three kids belongings. Their toys, coats, clothes, everything in that bag. I have to tell you it was sobering. I couldn't even fit all of one of my kids stuff in 6 bags. They are grateful for every little thing and just precious!
Ok I promised transparency... Day 2
Today was rough y'all! Rough!!! I think reality is setting in. We've had lots of tears from both sets of kids, lots of correction/training, lots of fits from the little ones. They are tired between the stress/change, staying up late as we figure out routine, many of them are having allergy issues... Today was the first day I really thought can we do this? Should we do this? Is this what's right for both sets of kids? I know we are only two days in... We've had some visits though and so it just felt like play dates. I'm told this is normal and it will pass and that better and worse days are to come. I'm not throwing in the towel or giving up just being honest about the process. It's hard to lay with a little one crying because you've had to correct them and then have them tell you they miss people, that this is hard... You just want to cry with them and say I know this is hard I feel it too and it's even harder for them.
Highlights of today... Yes there were some!!
-Everyone slept ALL night!
-All 3 littles took a nap today at the same time!
-The little girl watched Frozen for the first time ever and danced around the room when the characters sang.
-The three big kids put the three little kids in different laundry baskets and raced. Crazy but fun to see the big smiles as they worked together.
-Caden while needing some time away cleaned up the garage that had exploded with the outside toys after some outside play time.
So there.. Transparent, real, a little frustrated, a little sad, ready and thankful for a new better day tomorrow. I know my fostering friends are probably laughing and thinking we don't know what rough is yet... I'm sure you are probably right but I know better is in store too!
Day 3 hug- test- correct- reassure- repeat! Day 3 was better than day 2 so that's a plus. The little ones were better today. They fought like siblings but it wasn't nearly as tearful and you can see steps forward. Today the oldest foster child was the tough one he would intentionally antagonize, laugh when corrected, and go find his next victim. That was tricky. We survived it and I'm not on the verge of tears tonight. Caden did decide today that this isn't working and we should send them away. We talked about it being like a marriage- mom and dad can't have a rough day and decide we need a divorce. There is no escape clause we have to work it out.
Highlights
- the boys out playing baseball and soccer with dad... It pouring rain on them in the middle of the game and then restarting.
-Dinner time is getting easier... Adam smoked brisket today so I still didn't cook and could tame the kids but we are getting a system in place.
- the kindergartner can write mom and dad and is so proud of himself!
Prayers needed: tomorrow we have to get 6 kids to school and Nate has to be at my school to catch the transfer bus by 7. 5:30 comes really early and will be a shock to our new additions. Pray we can get a routine quickly and that my principal has a huge amount of grace. I'm sure he will but this week will be tricky!!
Day 4:
Today was GREAT!! I hesitate to say it but it really was. -
The kids popped out of bed this morning! We were all in the car by 6:15! I took a super cute picture that I wish I could post! We even got A's hair fixed and had bows!!
-The two 10 year olds started soccer today! They were super excited about that!
-J was so proud of his new shoes and showed some of his favorite teachers!
-AND we finally got our official placement paperwork!!
There really weren't any negatives today only positives! Hooray for that!!
Day 5:
(I won't post everyday... Just this first week and then when something is new or prayers are needed..sorry Amy Jo Barkley!)
-This morning the kids were all great! We got everyone to school on time!
-E got in some minor trouble at school today but told us right away and we talked it through.
-Right before dismissal one of our technology support guys comes in and tells me I have a flat tire and I have 15 min before I'm supposed to be picking up A from school. Thankfully he was willing to help me change it. By helping I mean he did the work and I just kept asking what I could do! Meanwhile one of our sweet parents came to check on me, to offer to help, ask if she can pick up kids, etc. I was super thankful for both of them! One of the minor hang ups in foster care is that your kids can't be alone with an adult unless they have been background checked and fingerprinted through the Foster system. So unfortunately that does keep some people from helping even though they genuinely want to.
-Finally, I got an email from one of E's teachers telling me about a sweet conversation he had with her today. He called me mom as he was talking to her. She asked if he liked being able to call me mom and she said he got the biggest smile and said yes and also referred to his brother Nate. It is really soon for these kids to call us mom and dad. We didn't ask to be called that we told them Mr and Mrs Green, mr Adam and Mrs Stephanie or they could just call us mom and dad like the other kids. Very quickly they switched to that. I think it's easier to remember, the other kids already do it, and they were craving that family environment.
Well I thought this was going to be short tonight... Not a lot to say...but there are so many sweet moments and ups and downs. I want you to get a real glimpse into this crazy fun life.
I am going to move to a blog this weekend. I want it to be a journal of memories for the kids. I will copy/paste this week's notes in and then share there. When it's up I will post a link for those that are wanting frequent updates. But I will post highlights from time to time too!
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